This month is highlighted through the tradition of costume parties and Trick or Treats events in getting to the spirit of Halloween. Though we are not against the tradition, we usually opt out to skip this one event for my son due to our personal belief and faith. Aside from Halloween parties, this is the season of preparation where most people went to visit the cemeteries to commemorate and remember their departed ones.
November 1 is All Saint’s Day in the Philippines. It is the holiday to remember our departed loved ones. Ever since I was a child, our November 1 tradition is staying at home and lighting a candle for our dearest and departed relatives. Most of our relatives are buried in the province and we would only be able to visit their graves during our annual summer vacations. Up until now, I still do visit my grandparents’ grave sites whenever I have a chance to go to our province.
2019 is our challenging year. Early this year, we were saddened by the passing of my husband’s father. We haven’t seen the signs of his passing. We were not prepared to lose him during that time and when we were informed that the inevitable could happen any moment, we were stunned from the whole experience. Though it was a painful process, we gradually accept that it was Lord’s will.
They say grief is one of the hardest emotions you could encounter. It is painful because it accompanies loss and it is deep, because it reflects what we love. According to psychologytoday.com:
“Grief is complex; it obeys no formula and has no set expiration date. It is an important area of ongoing research. While some experts have proposed that there are stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance—others emphasize that grief is a very individualized emotion and not everyone grieves the same way.
Grief is sometimes compounded by feelings of guilt and confusion over a loss. Some individuals experience prolonged grief, sometimes called complicated grief, which can last months or years. Without help and support, such grief can lead to isolation and chronic loneliness.”
Grieving process is hard and sometimes it would really take time to heal and recuperate. To add up from whatsyourgrief.com,
“The grief, it’s always there, like an old injury that aches when it rains. And though this prospect may be scary in the early days of grief, I think in time you’ll find that you wouldn’t have it any other way. Grief is an expression of love – these things grow from the same seed. Grief becomes a part of how we love a person despite their physical absence; it helps connect us to memories of the past; it bonds us with others through our shared humanity, and it helps provide perspective on our immense capacity for finding strength and wisdom in the most difficult of times. “
My husband opens up to me that even up to this day that there are times he would just paused for a while and the whole experience of my father-in-law’s last few hours replays on his mind. There are also times that he badly misses his father. Whenever he gets to commercial clips about fathers or just witnessing fathers hugging or playing with their kids, he still gets emotional.
Another person I knew were somehow affected with my father-in-law’s passing is my son. I know my son misses his grandfather. There are times he would share to us that his grandfather visited him in his dreams and he would tell us that sometimes he misses him a lot. He still draws and writes the name of his grandfather as his own way of coping my father-in-law’s passing. It is also a process to him and us on handling and explaining to him these things. We always remind him that his grandfather is already in heaven with God.
I know most of us will be readying ourselves this week to visit our loved ones in the cemetery and will be reunited with our remaining relatives. We will reminisce them with our own personal stories. Though some of our loved ones left, we know that their legacy will live through especially if they left us with good memories and happiness.
Grieving takes some time and you will never know how long the pain will stop but we have to anchor our trust in the Lord that He will heal and restore us. Our Lord knows our pain and loss. It is to Him we will submit. We should not stop praying and surrendering to God our pain.
This season is also a reminder to us to spend our time with people who matter to us and remember how important family is. We never know how much time we are left with, so leave them with good memories and legacy anchored in Biblical Truths that will be carried out through next generation. In addition, focus on ensuring to get our validation from God and not from collecting people and likes. Our life on earth is short, focus on making sure God “approves” and “likes” the way we lived our life and our relationship to family, friends, colleagues, and community.
Sweet Mommy in High Heels 